Ode to an Old Grey Sweatshirt

I.

Dear you,
  Do you remember winters in Tallahassee-
more Georgia than Florida-I slid into you perfectly?
You were there as I became someone I was barely aware I was becoming.

II.

Dear you,
   I think sometimes now, I search for you
in the sleeves and pockets of others.
Test their weight on my shoulders to see if it feels the same--
it hasn't yet.

III.

Dear you,
   It's funny, I can see a blurry panorama of our years together;
never solid on the memory of when we first met, but
I can tell you distinctly how we parted:

A crisp November night, I was jetlagged and bedraggled, clutching
Logan struggling against my lap.
I felt his last breath through your threadbare length
and knew that moment was imprinted in you
knew, I'd never be comforted by you again.

The next afternoon we covered his body with you, a shroud
buried you both and hoped
you gave him half the comfort you always gave me.

Dream

Sometimes,
I dream

about her

PAD 2016 16

Is it what you believe
or what believes in you?

PAD 2016 15

Late nights and early mornings
my sleep cycle is concentric
a spiral that shrinks into oblivion.

PAD 2016 14

Crashing again
I sleep now with eyes wide open.

PAD 2016 13

We loose our minds daily
trying to adjust our outlines to molds
boundless is how we're meant to be.

PAD2016 11

Because he is a man
I had to explain what it is to be a woman
how we worry about our bodies more
how we dissect the looks we receive in public places
package them, the worse gifts
we give ourselves over and over again

PAD2016 10

I am anxiety, Twitter fingers and one status update from being too exposed.

PAD 2016 9

It is easy
to allow a stranger to take my hand
trace lines in my palm that I have played with for years
for them to say "see,
we are all the same; deep lines:
we have lived, are living..."

It is easy and not frightening
how simple it is that we might be the same.

PAD 2016 8

I am all anticipation
it's how I know this is home.

PAD 2016 7b

We are about the work of twilight,
the dreams that spindle out from our fingers. 

PAD 2016 7

I have tuned out of this world because the frequency is off
the energies have become too fragile to power
anything worthwhile.  We are
vibrating because we don't know another way to move. We have no idea of the power
to rebuild
to correct
to try again.

PAD 2016 6

We are wasting daylight
thinking of Tomorrows when Today
is waiting for us to open our eyes
and look at her.

PAD 2016 5

So we wait for the dam to break
and try partitioning our lives into plastic bags
of what we hope matters the most.

PAD 2016 4

Even when I think I am
I am rarely as on time as I at first believe
counting seconds while everyone else is tracking hours
and minutes while they're on days;
asynchronous, I am a shifting of sands.

PAD 3 2016

Because we are light refracting around flesh we are sensitive to higher frequencies;
we are waves settling.  Alpha
energized the length of two crests from each other
seeing but never touched.

PAD 2016 2

Because she has never been apologized to
she does not know the letters to spell "sorry";
instead she spells them the way most people spell "pride",
and her pride is fragile and forever injured.  Her stance
forever the wounded lioness
we duck and weave to avoid her angry swipes.

PAD 2016 1

I have not put words to paper poetically in weeks
and it is my own fault.  Instead,
I have allowed words to wither inside my head
a field of dying couplets
a desert of promises I made myself
another failing resolution.

Line to remember

I have laid flowers at the altar of rage...

PAD 27

There is anger resonating
and it unbalances the world.