It's off to work we go...

I race to arrive at a place I disdain, a fixture
in perpetual arrivals
and departures.  Cloaked in a scowl
an aura that screams for distance.  I invision myself invisible,
untouchable: Queen; of the Escalators,
of the maze of gates , of a path I could walk blindfolded.

I destroy my actuality
for eight and a half solid hours, supress
the "fuck it" on the tip of tongue and finger.

When that sentence is sufficiently served, I am a little less
proud   myself    alive...a little more: tired  disgusted  angry...  
Mask on a bit more firmly, to fall
into a dreamless sleep, wake to rinse and repeat.

Don't know if this s finished it came to me on my commute...

NOV PAD 2010 - day 10

To say my heartbeats is redundant;
of course it beats, hard, in my chest
but it's just because I'm alive
or it's Thursday
not because of your presence
it's never been you.

Wish You Were…

For S.W.


Imagine you had the guts to be me
your heartbeat as deep as your breath
be a woman, unsexed
sexualized to nonexistence
tarred angel wings, tilted halo
devour green apples

share the pieces with your lover
like the rib she was accidentally made from
swim through her hair
call her by name

brand yourself
allow others to brand you
limp through it, pass the pain, until the swelling goes down

the virus will never go away

wake up every morning knowing
and choose to live anyways.